Did you know he actually wrote the Jeopardy theme song?

Read his obit at the Boston Herald

About a year ago, Joy Cayler and Her Brass Beat scheduled a reunion for the weekend of July 20th-21st, 2007. “We Three” - Stella, Erik & me - were thrilled to be invited to stay with Joy and Nancy - in their home - for the reunion weekend.

Sadly, Stella suffered a devastating stroke on 9-16-06 that eventually ended her life on 2-12-07.

While Mom’s short-term memory was completely gone following her stroke, this special invitation to the 2007 Brass Beat Reunion remained fresh as a daisy in her mind until the day she died.

Stella had long drummed into our heads that she didn’t want formal services of any kind. Her one regret was that as she and John never married,  she couldn’t be buried with him in Denver - at Fort Logan National Cemetery. So… she asked to be cremated - no muss, no fuss, and NO services. Instead, Stella wanted a PARTY in her honor - and party we did.

My cousin Steph (Stella’s favorite niece) lovingly opened her home for just that purpose! Steph & her mom (Stella’s sister Mildred) & a few of their dear friends - who knew & loved Stella too - prepared a charming champagne brunch. A very small & special group of Stella’s admirers came to the party and shared their favorite “Stella Moments”.

It was AWESOME!

Still… there was the Brass Beat Reunion coming up in July, and as Brass Beat was and is our family, there was no question about Erik’s and my attending.

But… how to get Stella there, and to spread her ashes with her John? (The government - and the airlines - want permits, special dispensations - a whole raft of things that cost a bundle, take time… forget about it, right? WRONG!)

While shopping for “legal travel-size* containers of toiletries, I was suddenly struck with an inspiration… (thanks, Mom!)

I bought a travel-size bottle of Gold Bond Powder (which I highly recommend anyway), took Mom’s ashes over to Erik’ on the day of our departure, we dumped the GB Powder into a bowl, sifted a couple tablespoons of Mom into the bottle, poured the GB powder back into the bottle, and…

Our last day in Denver, Erik and Mom and I drove to Fort Logan Cemetery, found John’s grave, took a few pictures… and (a couple of details omitted) we told them to go have some fun!

On the plane coming back to SF, Erik said, ‘It was a GOOD thing we did today - for Gram, for John - and for us - doncha think? Its sorta like: It is done, now - its complete.”

(He’s a pretty smart kid, that Erik! Doncha think?)

BTW - if you’re not laughin’ right now, then you didn’t know Mom very well!

Well here she is in her mid-fifties, rocking a tangerine caftan on her honeymoon in the Bahamas (The Loews Paradise Island Hotel and Villa), and looking totally. freaking. fierce.

The dramatic dress, the perfect frosted hair, not a pore on her face or décolletage, the strappy heels, the gold jewelry, and the ever present cigarette (about to ash on the carpet).

This could be any night at home as well. She would go to a favorite restaurant (Stewart Anderson’s Black Angus, perhaps), and bring home a doggy bag with half of a rare strip steak and some garlic bread. I was usually the lucky recipient of this treat.

This is quintessential Stella.

I have pretty dim memories of my childhood, but I remember horsey… in particular, that Gram was a pro.

At the VA she could toss her soldier boys around like rag dolls, so bouncing me was about as difficult as breathing for her

Stella and her 3 baby sisters - Milly, Lilly and Ruth - shared a flat over Hollands’ Dry Cleaning Store in Fargo, ND for a couple years - circa 1943-1945. (Tidbit of Fargo history: their cousin F. Ralph Hollands owned and operated the dry cleaning store and was also their landlord and diligent chaperone.)

During this time, Stella graduated as an R.N. from St. Luke’s Hospital (also in Fargo), and immediately went to work as a surgical nurse at the VA hospital in Fargo. She took the bus to the VA every day - about half an hour each way.

“But in the morning - on her way to work”, Aunt Milly tells me, “your mother would stand up in the bus and hold on to a strap - all the way to the VA - even if there were seats available! She didn’t want to to sit down because she didn’t want to wrinkle her uniform before she got to work!”

Ja! That’s Mom! (Click picture for larger view!)

Obviously, taken at the END of her shift! (Click picture for larger view!)

Gram loved her twist ties. In fact she loved anything small and clever and most especially if it could fasten things together. Twist ties fit the bill quite well.
She’d get particularly excited when I’d bring her an extra long twist tie, or a fancy one done up in gold or silver foil. She’d cackle at the joke, but you bet she would ferret it away for a rainy day.

I’ll probably run across a huge nest of them in the back of her closet.